


Buying a Best Friend

by Jules33 (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Denial of Feelings, F/F, F/M, M/M, Petstuck, So much angst, way more angst than I thought there would be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-08 21:46:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1957260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Jules33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave's been living alone for quite some time when his sister, Rose, finally suggests he get a pet. What he doesn't realize is that he's not just buying a pet, he's buying a lifetime friend.</p><p>--Update: Not finished, never gonna finish--</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work, sorry it's so short! More will be posted soon hopefully and the chapters won't be as short as this one..

     Your name is Dave Strider and it's been almost a year. A whole year of living by yourself, working late nights, watching movies all alone to pass time, sitting in your small apartment just wasting away. Doing nothing important whatsoever. So you don't have a social life, who cares?  
     Your sister. Your sister cares. Of course she cares.  
     "Rose. Rose. I'm telling you it's ok, I'm fine," You're trying to calm her down while making your afternoon coffee at the same time. Rose always seems to call you just when you're about to do something important. And then she wonders why you're barely paying attention.  
     She keeps rambling on and on about how you don't have a life and how boring and alone you are. Gee, thanks. Her main point is that you'd be so much happier if you had a partner or a friend or _something_.  
     "Y'know, studies show that people without friends or any sort of social contact are often depressed Dave."  
     "Ok, first of all, I'm talking to you right now and you're my friend, aren't you?"  
     "I'm your sister, I don't count."  
You roll your eyes and clear your throat, "Second of all, I work at a nightclub Rose, I'm surrounded by people all the time, plenty of social contact."  
     "You work as a DJ. You're in a cramped little booth all by yourself and you don't even talk to people while you're there. The closest thing you have to social contact with those people is when you bring home a drunk guy or girl and-"  
      "I haven't done that in months!" You snap, cutting her off. God, what is wrong with her? She acts like you're some ignorant douchebag who picks up drunk people at nightclubs or something. Oh yea, maybe because you _are_ some ignorant douchebag who picks up drunk people at night clubs. What can you say? A guy has needs.  
     "Anyways Dave, you need some sociality. You need a someone to talk to. You need a pet."  
     "Oh for the love of god," you sigh, where is she going with this?  
     "Pets are known to be very good companions, they can help boost people's mood and are very good at helping those with depression."  
     "I don't have depression!" Depression? Really? You're pretty sure she tells you a new psychological problem you have _at least_ every day.  
     "Pets can also prevent people from getting depression."  
     "Rose, my apartment lease doesn't allow-"  
     "Oh cut the crap Dave, yes it does. I've been over there before. Your neighbor has four dogs. _Four_."  
     "I'm barely making enough money to pay rent, how am I gonna afford all the food? And the beds? And the other stuff that pets need?"  
     "I'll help with food, the pet can sleep with you, and if it needs other stuff just tell me. Honestly, I don't understand why you never accept the money I offer you, I have plenty for myself."  
     You sigh again. Of course Rose just had to grow up and become some great psychotherabullshit or whatever it was. Writing books and making millions. You're proud of her, but still, you want to be able to get rid of that worry like she has. Money.  
     "I work all night practically and I sleep all day, how am I supposed to take care of this thing?"  
     "Get a troll."  
     "A troll? Isn't that what you have? One of those creepy cat-kangaroo-mouse things?"  
     You can hear her sigh and you just know she's rolling her eyes,     "Yes Dave. And Kanaya is very well-behaved as well as smart and cunning. She can take care of herself just like all trolls can. A troll is just what you need."  
     "But-"  
     "There's a pet shop over by the deli, y'know, across from the hotel I always stay at when I visit? They sell trolls, go get one,"  
     "But Rose I-"  
     "I'll send you a check in the mail and you can go buy food and whatnot. Until then, I want you to try and learn all that you can about trolls and get the necessary supplies. Ok? Ok. Bye!"  
     She hangs up. Just like that. You don't even get a chance to finish that sentence of yours (not like it would've mattered anyways, Rose can be more stubborn about some things than even you are).  
     You take a sip of your coffee and go to sit down on the couch. Looks like you're getting a pet troll. Oh boy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! Yay! This one is a lot longer. Thanks for all the kudos! You guys are so sweet ^-^

   

* * *

 

     It's about two days later when you receive the check in the mail. Which, considering you live in Houston, Texas and Rose lives in Rainbow Falls, New York seems a little quick. Or it does seem a little quick, until you see the "Express Mail!" logo on the envelope. Of course. Of course Rose would pay the extra $10 or whatever it is for the stupid express mail.

     You rip open the envelope, rolling your eyes. Not only did Rose send you a check for $500 (do trolls and their food really cost that much?), but the check also came in a card with a picture of a dog on it. On the front it reads, "Having friends is the best!" and on the inside it reads, "...Even if you have to buy them," and then of course Rose wrote, "Seriously, use this money and get yourself a god damn friend." Oh Rose, you sarcastic little asshole.

     You place the card on the shelf Rose bought for you when you return back to your apartment room. It's the same shelf she helped you install last Christmas. It's also the same shelf where you keep all of the other sarcastic and belittling cards Rose sends you. As you scan over them, you notice they all have a recurring theme. Loneliness.

     Take your last birthday card for example, "At least you have someone to remember and celebrate your birthday with you, your twin sister!" Or your last Valentine's Day card, "Just remember that being lonely on Valentine's Day is no different from any other day of your life!" Even your last St. Patrick's Day card, "Drinking alone is better than not drinking at all!" Although, that one didn't surprise you as much, considering Rose is an alcoholic.

     You sigh and stare at the check a little while longer. Unfortunately for you, you didn't take Rose's advice and look up any information on trolls. You only know what they look like, and that's just because Rose sent you a picture of Kanaya when she first bought her.

     You deposit the check into your bank account via your super cool phone app. Rose made you get it. It was, "A highly necessary application for someone of your age, Dave, especially since most paychecks come in checks. Hence, pay _check._ "

     Grabbing your umbrella (it is raining outside after all) and your credit card, you head to the elevator. Pressing the button for the ground floor, you begin your slow descent the bottom. Of course, it would always be faster to go down the stairs, but a guy warned you about them being slick sometimes. He warned you about those stairs, bro.

     Luckily, the elevator is empty and you don't have to awkwardly stand next to someone while they try to make small talk. It would probably be less awkward if you answered them with more than one word, but you really don't like the people in your apartment building. They're all either snobby, coke-heads, or people you gave a one-night-stand to.

     The elevator dings at the ground floor, and you exit, quickly making your way to the door to hope to avoid **any contact whatsoever** with the landlord who lives on this floor. However, fate has it's ways, and although it allowed you to ride solo on the elevator, you're not so lucky here.

     "Dave! Hey Dave!" You cringe a little as you hear the high-pitched voice.

     Turning on your heel, you face the man talking to you. He's about half a foot shorter than you, with dark, messy hair and a goofy grin permanatly plastered onto his face.

     You can't deny it, even though the guy really is an annoying pain in the ass, he's still pretty attractive. Hell, you'd probably be all over that if he wasn't your landlord. Actually, you accidentally did end up hitting on him when you first met him, before knowing he was your landlord. He thinks you've been best bros ever since.

     "Sup," you nod your head at him, really hoping this will be short.

     He adjusts his glasses and politely sticks his nose in your business, "Where're you going bro?"

     "Uh.." you could always just lie, going to a pet store isn't really the coolest thing in the world. But your mouth is talking before your brain can think today, "I'm headed over to the pet store by Louis' Deli."

     He snorts. Dammit. "A pet store? Have you finally given up trying to get a girlfriend and just decided to buy one instead?"

     You roll your eyes behind your kickass shades, "You pick up more chicks with a pet." Lie. That's a complete lie. You know because you've tried it before and it failed miserably.

     "Really? I might have to get myself a pet! Like a dog maybe, I've always wanted like some sort of golden retriever or something. Jade has this albino husky or whatever that thing is. Becquerel. Isn't that a weird name for a dog? I think it-"

     You cut him off, no way are you about to stand here and listen to him talk about dogs for five minutes, let alone anything for five minutes, "Dude, seriously, I should really get going,"

     "Oh! Ok! Yea, good luck! Make sure to get a rad pet!"

     You smile politely and nod your head before walking out the door. God you really hate that guy sometimes. Who even says "rad" anymore? Oh yea that's right, nobody. Nobody says rad.

     Holding your umbrella high above your head, you begin walking to the pet store. It'd be faster to drive, but you don't mind walking when it's only for about ten minutes or so. Also, you don't even have a car, so how could you drive anyways?

     You finally arrive and check across the street just to make sure it's the right place. The Grand Plaza Hotel stands on the other side of the street. It's five star beauty twinkling against the gray surrounding it. That place is the most expensive hotel anywhere near you. And Rose stays there every time.

     You look up at the sign of the pet store, "Pets R Us". Wow, very original. You look at the window where a display of cat towers and what not are shown. There are a few cats lazily chilling in them.

     As you continue looking in the window, your eyes land on a small gray blob. It's furry and looks pretty cat-like, except for the thin tail with a tuft of fur at the end that's curled around it's body. It also has little nubby horns, so that's not very cat-like either.

     You walk through the door, a little bell tingling as you do. An employee looks up at you, and then back down at her magazine.

     She looks kinda cute, early twenties maybe, long blonde hair tied back in a pony tail. You wouldn't mind walking away with her number. But you probably won't.

     "Uh, hey," you sputter out. Probably not the coolest greeting, but certainly not your worst.

     She rolls her eyes and shuts the magazine, setting it down on the corner and looking up at you, "Can I help you?"

     Her voice sounds beyond bored and you know you should make this quick, "I'm looking to buy a troll."

     She raises an eyebrow, "You? Really?" That's a little offensive, who says a guy like you can't have a troll?

     "Yea, me. Problem with that?"

     She laughs a little and stands up, walking around the counter to be right in front of you, "Tall, mid twenties, lives alone, bachelor?"

     You frown and nod your head, yea that's you alright.

     "Think you don't need a companion, but your twin sister thinks you should buy a troll, so you avoid depression?"

     "How did you-?"

     "Rose called, told me you'd be stopping by and that you weren't allowed to leave without a troll. Normally people don't call, so I've been waiting for some snobby rich kid to come waltzing here. She said you were some suave douchebag who'd probably try hitting on me,"

     "I wouldn't say I'm a doucgebag or a snobby rich kid, but I certainly wouldn't mind hitting on you," you glance down at her name tag, Stacy.

     She scoffs and rolls her eyes, "Sorry, not interested. The trolls are over there, go ahead and look at 'em," she points to a small pen where you see about five trolls playing about.

     Like a dog being sent to the pound, you walk over to the pen. You step over the small fence and crouch down, beckoning the trolls over to you. They all come at once, pouncing you and knocking you down. You can hear Stacy laugh a little and you turn to glare at her.

     From what you can see, each troll is generically gray. Although their paws, tongues, and little stripes on their sides are all different colors. Their horns are also different, but only in shape and size, not color. Orange, olive green, purple, violet, and pink.

     The orange one is pretty shy and he has the biggest horns. You pet him a little and notice his back legs are pretty screwed up. Poor guy.

     The olive green one looks the most like a cat and her horns even look like cat ears. She pounces you and claws at your chest a little. You pick her up and set her to the side, not really interested in getting your shirt ripped to shreds.

     The purple one pretty much avoids you. He hisses at you and walks over to an opposite corner of the pen. Well fuck you too, asshole.

     The violet one is all over you. Desperately rubbing against you and begging for attention. It's really cute he likes you so much, but you don't think you could handle something so needy.

     The pink one is really nice and friendly. She's very cuddly and soft. By far you're favorite, but you're really not looking for a plushie and adorable pet. Plus, she seems expensive considering the way Stacy raises an eyebrow at you, as if asking if you're really that rich. Rude.

     You stand up and exit the pen, the trolls immediately go back to doing whatever they were doing before. Yup, independent alright.

     Stacy looks up at you, "Which one caught your fancy?"

     "None of them. The orange one was too shy, the olive one was too aggressive, the purple one hates me, the violet one is too needy, and the pink one is too girly and adorable."

     Stacy raises an eyebrow and looks over your shoulder at the pen. You turn to see what she's looking at and find all the trolls looking pretty annoyed and upset. Except the purple one, he's just kinda nodding his head like, "Yup, I hate you."

     You turn back to look at Stacy, "Can they understand what I'm saying?"

     She snorts, "Yea, kinda. They understand bits and pieces at this age, but I'm sure pointing out their blood colors perked up their attention long enough to hear you insult them."

     You turn and sheepishly look at all of them, muttering a quick apology. They return back to what they were doing, but you can tell now that none of them like you. Not even the violet one.

     Oh well, looks like you failed Rose's mission. You're kind of upset, but then again you didn't like those trolls anyways. Maybe you should just get one of those cats that you saw in the window. Oh, wait a second.

     "What's up with the troll over there?" You point over to the window, where you saw that one troll curled up by itself before entering the shop.

     "Oh, nobody wants him. He's a mutant blood, and so my boss doesn't let him in the pen during hours. People think he could 'infect' the others. Specifically, the high bloods."

     "What do you mean high blood and mutant blood? I don't get it,"

     Stacy rolls her eyes, "Trolls have different blood colors, some more rare than others. Pink is the highest and some sort of rusty color is the lowest. Kinda like a Samoyed and a Labrador mutt. That pink blood over there, Feferi, was actually a stray we found, pretty lucky for us. She's about $10,000 that one."

     Your eyebrows shoot up to the top of your head, "What's the lowest blood you have?" they can't all be _that_ expensive, right? Then again, Rose did give you $500.

     "Don't worry bud, Nepeta, the olive blood and also our lowest blood, is only $100,"

     "Oh yea, only $100, totally fine," jeez, that's a lot just for a simple pet.

     "Well, go ahead and check out that mutant blood then, maybe you won't insult him,"

     You roll your eyes and head over to the cat towers by the window. The cats lazily look at you and a few try to get your attention, but your eyes are set on the small troll who is paying no attention to you. He's curled up and sleeping contently, kinda adorable.

     You poke him lightly, "Hey there little fella, you sleeping well?"

     He looks up at you, eyes heavy and drowsy. When the girl said "mutant blood", you were expecting something like brown or white, but he's red, like blood red. Like your kind of blood red.

     You reach up and pet his side, he's really soft. He starts purring and let's our a small mewl as he yawns. You're practically melting with how adorable he is, and unlike the pink one he's still pretty cool.

     "How much?" you ask, not breaking eye contact with the small troll.

     You're expecting to hear her laugh, but instead you here a shocked reply of, "Oh! Uh.. Gosh, nobody's ever really wanted him.. He's kinda just been taking up space.. Is $10 too much?"

     You turn to look at her, grinning, "I'll take him,"

     After filling out a few forms and paying for him, as well as some food (for a grand total of $50), Stacy places him inside a small pet carrier. You can hear him scratching at the sides and mewling in protest. Stacy pats the box, saying her final goodbyes.

     Just as you're about to leave, Stacy calls out to you, "Y'know, it's really sweet that you're buying him. Nobody really likes him considering he's, y'know. Take care of him will ya?"

     You smile and turn to look at her, "I don't mind that he's not like the others, kinda cool if you ask me. You really like him, don't you?"

     "I've just always felt bad for the poor guy.. But yea, he's my favorite, even if he does scream and howl really loud sometimes.."

     "I'll be sure to take care of him, and uh, who is 'him'? You said the pink one was Feferi and the olive one was-"

     "Karkat, his name's Karkat. Karkat Vantas, mutant blood, 4 months old." She smiles warmly, remembering all of this.

     You nod your head and walk out the door, opening up your umbrella again. Pretty glad you just bought a Mr. Vantas.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting wayyyyy more kudos and such than I thought it would.. Thanks so much guys ^-^ ! Anyways, chapter 3!

* * *

     You return back to your apartment building, clutching the cardboard carrier (now a little dripping, sorry Karkat) close to your side. Stealthily, you sneak to the elevator. Sounds of a Nic Cage movie and manly tears are heard, coming from your landlord's room. Pitiful.

     Reaching the elevator, you press the button for your floor. Unfortunately, someone just has to come running in and join you. You glare at them out of the corner of your eyes, but they can't see you. Mostly because they aren't looking, but also because of your shades.

     Another unfortunate thing for you is that this man who just bussled in here is not snobby or a coke-head, but someone you gave a one-night-stand to. And he wasn't even one of the attractive ones. Just some drunken mistake.

     This must payback for insulting those trolls. Dammit.

     He clears his throat, "So uh, long time no see, huh?" Long time no see? What the hell does that mean? It was one time. _One time_. You don't even know this guy's name. Sam? Sammy? Samuel? You're fairly certain it was something like that.

     After an awkward pause you finally answer, "Yup," no more. No less. Just one word.

     Sammyuel (you decide to call him that from now on) is standing next to the side where you're holding the carrier. Karkat scratches at the side a little half-heartedly. He seems to have admitted defeat.

     However, Sammyuel, has yet to admit his own defeat. In the sense that he has yet to come to terms with the fact that you will not be conversing with him on this elevator, "What's uh, what's in the carrier? You got yourself a pet?"

     "Yup," one word. One word.

     "What kind of pet is it?"

     "Troll," you hear a small gasp from Sammyuel. Seriously, what is with people and the surprise they get when you say you have a troll?

     Sammyuel asks another question, one which you don't really know the answer to, "Is he friendly?"

     "Uh.." You seriously don't know what to say. You _just_ met Karkat. How are you to know if he's friendly or not?

     As if on cue, the elevator dings on Sammyuel's floor. He's not leaving though and you're starting to think he won't unless you answer him, when all of sudden Karkat decides to make an appearance. He shoves his paw through cardboard carrier and reaches around, clawing at the air.

     Sammyuel lets out a rather unmanly scream and runs off the elevator. Karkat's paw goes back inside the carrier as if nothing happened. The elevator doors close and you begin going up again.

     You're really put-off by what just happened and don't quite know how to feel. Has Karkat been able to bust through the carrier this whole time? And if so, why didn't he escape? Why did he have to scare Sammyuel like that? Was it to help you?

     The elevator dings again and you exit, mind still muddled with questions. You reach your room and set down the carrier to unlock the door. Grabbing the carrier again (a little reluctantly because you're seriously afraid of Karkat busting out and attacking you), you head inside and close the door behind you.

    "Honey I'm home~" you yell that to no one. Absolutely no one. It's just a habit you've picked up to yell that line whenever you cross your threshold.

     Maybe Rose was right. Maybe you are getting a little too lonely.

     You shrug and set down the carrier. Karkat scratches at the top and meows loudly. You open the top carefully in order to let him out. He sits there for a moment, staring up at you, blinking. You're about to reach down and pick him up out of the carrier, when Karkat jumps out. He lands rather ungracefully and stands up, sniffing about.

     "This is my- our place. It's not much, just a single main room, a bedroom and bathroom down the hall, and a tiny kitchen in the corner over there, but it's home."

     Karkat looks up at you, head cocked to the side. Was it really that confusing? You just gave a quick description. Just because he's mutant doesn't mean he's stupid, right?

     You try again, slowly, "Our home. Big room. Bedroom. Bathroom. Kitchen."

     Karkat glares at you and sits down, did you say something wrong? Ok, maybe he did understand you earlier and when you talked to him like that he was probably offended. But then what was he so confused about? Whatever, you decide to move on.

     "Alright, lemme show you where you're gonna sleep. Can you walk there on your own or do I need to carry you?"

     He stands up and walks around you in a small circle.

     "Could've just nodded your head, no need to be a smartass about it,"

     That gets a small, squeaky laugh out of him. Cute. You walk back to the bedroom, Karkat following behind. Opening the door, you gesture him to go in. He looks at you, then to the room, and then back at you. You roll your eyes and walk inside, leaving the door open for Karkat.

     "Now normally I don't let people in here until they've treated me to dinner first, but I'll make an exception since you're so cute," funny. At least you think you are.

     Karkat stares at you through heavy, unimpressed eyes. He looks almost mad that you made that joke. Well sorry for trying to lighten the mood. Asshole.

     "Uh, this is the bed. It's a queen so I'm sure we'll both fit as long as you don't hog the whole thing."

     He jumps up on the bed and looks up at you.

     "Yea that's cool, just lay down and leave some room," A small, devilish smile creeps up onto his face. He plops down right in the middle and stretches out as far as he can. Taking up the maximum space possible.

     You can feel your face drop, "Wow. Really?"

     He lets out another squeaky laugh in amusement. Obviously taking enjoyment in your state of upsetness. He really is quite the asshole.

     You chuckle softly, "I will grab you off this bed and throw you on the streets," you say that, knowing full well that you won't actually do that.

     Karkat obviously does not realize this, considering his eyes widen and his ears droop slightly. The small troll moves and curls up, becoming a lot smaller.

     You sit down next to him and give him a sympathetic look, "Hey now, I was just kidding, I'm not gonna throw you out."

     That still didn't seem to do the trick, "This home is yours forever. But if you start messing shit up, then I'll be forced to take disciplinary actions and make you sleep on the couch," In response, Karkat clutches to the bed tighter, as if saying "no way!"

     You laugh and reach over to pet him, but stop and decide to ask, "So uh, can I pet you? I know you normally don't have people asking that, but I'd feel weird if I just put my hands all over you," for some reason it makes you uncomfortable to just pet Karkat without warning. Even though you pet him in the pet shop.

     He nods slowly and gets up, walking over to you hesitantly. You pet his back softly and slowly, trying not to alarm him. After a while he starts purring softly. How cute.

     You pat your lap, "Come snuggles Karkitty," you think that's a suitable nickname. He's kinda cat-like and he's even purring.

     Obviously Karkat does not like the nickname because he glares at you and hisses slightly.

     "What? Didn't like that one?" He shakes his head in return, pouting. Not one for nicknames. Bummer. You pat your lap again, "Alright, I'm sorry, but come over buddy," Karkat looks at you suspiciously, and then he comes over and plops down in your lap.

     He's so warm and tiny, it's adorable. Your whole heart is melting just because of this adorable little asshole.

     "You're really cute y'know," hopefully Karkat likes compliments.

     He doesn't. You receive a sharp kick to your leg and a glare from Karkat. He shakes his head no.

     "Other than being cute, you're also really nice and totally unaggressive. I can't believe nobody wanted you just because of you blood. You have such a perfect personality Karkitty," sarcasm. Also a nickname. He deserves it.

     Karkat turns and bites your arm. Not hard enough to really hurt, but hard enough to get his point across. _No Dave, I did not like that_.

     You laugh, "What? Got something against nicknames?" He nods his head. But since you're an asshole yourself, this only makes you want to take it one step further.

     "Ok, well, what about karkrab? 'Cause you're crabby," that one suits him pretty well actually.

     Karkat stands up and walks over to the opposite side of the bed, glaring at you. That's a little overdramatic, it's just a nickname. It's not like you killed his family and stole his prized pig.

     "Oh c'mon, don't be so overdramatic. It's just a nickname," you pause a moment before adding, "Plus you're only proving my point. That you're crabby,"

     He turns his head away from you with a little "humph!". Someone's feeling sassy today. You stretch out, reaching out to him and petting his back, "I'm sorry Karkat, please forgive me," still a little sarcastic, but you do mean it.

     Karkat lets out the most overdramatic sigh you've ever heard and walks over to you. Since you're lying down, he just snuggles up to your face. That's so cute. That is just so. So. Cute.

     You grab him lightly and pull him closer to you, rubbing your nose on his forehead, "Oh thank you Karkat. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am forever in your debt, you cute little ball of adorable,"

     This time he laughs, quietly. But then he sticks out his tongue and softly licks your cheek. It requires every ounce of man in you not to squeal like a little girl.

     You gasp overdramatically, "Did you just kiss me?" He licks (kisses?) your cheek again before raising a paw to boop your nose. This time you actually squeal a little. That is just _too_ adorable.

     "Oh my god am I in heaven? Have I died and gone to all-things-adorable-heaven?" Karkat laughs again and you kiss his forehead, "I love you too little man,"

     He wrinkles his nose and wipes at his face. _Eww, Dave cooties_. You respond to that by peppering his face in more kisses.

     Karkat starts sputtering out these noises until finally saying, "Blech."

     "Aww, your first word!" How sweet that his first word to you was one of disgust.

     He smiles, obviously feeling proud. You're also pretty proud, as well as shocked. You had no clue that trolls could talk, but hey, at least you have someone to talk to.

     Hopefully one day he'll be able to say more than one word. You guys could go into to deep conversations and have some epic rap battles. You're starting to feel really excited. Maybe this was a good idea after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh I'm an awful person!! I have been SWAMPED with busyness! First I was at a camp for a whole week, and now I'm working VBS so I've been super busy. I know I know, excuses excuses.. I tried to whip this up as fast as I possibly could and make it a little long, but I've been getting some writers block so...   
>  Anyways, I'm so sorry and I hope you enjoy this new chapter! ^-^

* * *

     You wake up in your bed. Wait, when did you fall asleep? Oh look, Karkat's snuggled up to your face. How cute.

     But seriously, when did you fall asleep? You remember petting Karkat and kissing him. And then you told him your life story. Why would you do that? As if Karkat cares. Apparently, you bored Karkat (as well as yourself) to sleep. No surprise there.

     You nudge his side, "Karkat, hey Karkat."

     He lazily opens his eyes and glares at you, "Whaaa?"

     "I think it's-," you stare at the clock on the wall, "yup, it's eight-o-clock, I've gotta go to work."

     Karkat cocks his head to the side, confused. "I'm leaving. Work. Job. Make money. I'll be back around like three or four, depends."

     His eyes widen, pleading for you to stay with him. You honestly wish you could say, "Fuck work, I'll stay with you bro," but you can't. How else would you pay the bills?

     "Sorry bro, but I've gotta work.. Just watch some TV or take a nap or some shit," You get up and brush your fingers through your hair. Good enough.

     He stands up and stretches out, letting out a yawn. You both head into the main room, where Karkat jumps on the couch. He curls up on a small pillow and begins cleaning his paws.

     "Alright, I've gotta go, uh.." You grab the remote and turn on the TV, switching it to animal planet, "That's good, right? Animal planet?"

     Karkat snorts and rolls his eyes. He gives you a look, _'seriously Dave?'_ You change the channel to Nickelodeon. Oh look, Spongebob.

     "Here, rot your brains out with this shit," he turns back to the screen, watching lazily.

     You throw on your sneakers, grab your headphones and wallet, and throw on a nice jacket before walking out the door. Hopefully Karkat will be fine on his own. Shit, did you feed him? Oh well, trolls are independent right? He'll figure it out. You left some food out, just in case.

     You step on the elevator and glare at your co-rider. Thank god for sunglasses. It's one of the coke-head junkies from floor four. You're on floor two and so this should be a short ride. Thank god for short rides too.

     You step off the elevator, rushing to the door. Luckily your landlord is locked up in his room. Probably sleeping. You swear he's like a 60 year old man trapped inside a 23 year old's body.

     The walk to the club takes about five minutes, but it would probably take one if you had a fucking car. Fucking minimum wage. Fucking rent. Fucking money.

     You walk up into the club like, _wuddup I gotta_ \- no. No you do not do that. **You do not ever do that.** No matter how true it is. Get it? You have a big-? Actually that was really bad, you can't even laugh at your own joke.

     You walk in like the antisocial little dickhead you are. It's pretty empty right now, a few people chilling at the bar. Perfect time to start working.

     Walking into your awkward little booth, you start laying down some beats. Nothing cool, just some simple shit. It gets a few people on the dance floor, but you're still bored out of your mind. You hop out of the booth, putting on a mix tape, and head over to the bar. Getting wasted right now or at least a little buzzed is just what you need.

     The bartender looks up at you, polishing a glass. He looks pretty bored too.

     "Sup," you nod at him, flashing one of your famous flirtatious smiles.

     "Aren't you supposed to be working Dave?" Obviously Droog is having none of your shit.

     He's a little taller than you, with pitch black hair and a slender build. He's got on a tight suit with a little red diamond stitched on one of the pockets. Goes with the theme of the club. Playing cards and all that.

     Droog's pretty hot, but you're also pretty sure he's asexual or something (especially considering he still hasn't slept with you yet and you've been hitting on him for months). Not really worth it. He's also one of the owners of the club, The Four Suits, so you probably shouldn't mess around with him anyways.

     "Can I just get something to drink?" You decide to keep it straight, not wanting to talk to him about anything else.

     He rolls eyes and grabs a beer from behind him, "Here, Spade says this is all you get from now on."

     "What? Just a beer? What the hell Droog?" A beer? Just one? What the fuck is this shit? You can't get buzzed off one beer.

     "First of all, you can't get drunk on the job. Second of all, you shouldn't get drunk on the job. And third of all, you won't get fucking drunk on the job," Droog spits it all out with a snarl, eyes narrowing.

     He has a point, getting drunk on the job hasn't ended well for you before. You still huff out a small, "What-the-fuck-ever," before slamming down a 5 and storming back to your booth.

     There are still barely any people and you probably have a few hours before anyone actually shows up. You spend some time chugging your beer and sloppily doing your job. The crowd looks pretty bored, but whatever. As if you really care.

     However, when 12 finally rolls around, you start laying down the good shit. The place is packed and hot. People all over the dance floor, getting wasted at the bar, and passed out in booths. You scan your eyes for some "lucky fellas/ladies", but, like usual, there's nobody.

     And when 3 rolls around, you're ready to leave. You've set up plenty of mix tapes to keep the crowd going until around 6, but nothing as good as you in person, of course. It's finally starting to die down a bit, people leaving or just passing out, drunk.

     While quickly trying to exit the booth, you bump into a random girl. She stumbles a little and gives you a dirty look. You shoot her one back. Oh wait, sunglasses. Whatever.

     Her boyfriend (or you assume that's what he is) puts an arm in front of her, protectively, and tells you to back off. You snort a laugh and walk away. _As if._

    You continue on your way back to the flat. That lame ass beer you finished around 10 has no effect on you on now. It's been, what? 5 hours? Yea that sounds about right.

     Stumbling inside (because you're tired, not drunk) you quickly jump on the elevator. It's totally packed with people. Imaginary people at least. It's 3 in the fucking morning! Of course there's nobody there, any sane person is sleeping. Any person with a not-shitty job at least.

     Karkat's still up though when you enter your apartment, eyes wide and unblinking. He's fixated on whatever is on the screen. Wait, what is he watching? What is this? It's not Nickelodeon anymore. The remote is under his paw, he must have figured out how it worked already. Damn he's smart.

     "Hey there buddy," you squint your eyes at the screen, staring intently, "Whatcha watching?"

     He turns to look at you and then back to the screen. You raise an eyebrow at him. _Wow not gonna answer? Asshole_.

     As if by reading your mind, he presses a button on the remote and a little info box pops up. There's information about the movie: the title, the release date, the actors, the reviews, and even a little summary. Wow he is smart. You didn't even know about that button.

     You read the info out loud, "'A Cinderella Story', July 16, 2004, Hilary Duff, Jennifer Coolidge, Chad Michael Murray, 2 stars." You're not reading the summary out loud. Fuck that. It's a whole paragraph.

     The movie looks like shit. Some stupid romcom. You hate romcoms. Karkat however...

     "You're really into this? It looks like shit," he looks up at you and hisses in response.

     Defensive much? It's just a movie, not his life, "Calm down, sorry.. How did you even find this sh- movie?" You almost called it shit again. _Almost_.

     "Effff exxxxxx," is all he mumbles out in response. Eff exx? F X. Oh! FX! The movie channel. It must be romcom night or something. Shitty romcom night that is.

     You plop down next to him and pet his side lazily, "It's like 3 in the morning, we should really go to bed,"

     Karkat whines, "Kiiiissss" kiss? The-? Oh right the movie. Hilary is moving in for that smooch right now. she looks pretty fucking hype about it too. You guess you can stay up a little longer to satisfy this little asshole.

     15 minutes later and the movie's finally over. Karkat sighs contently, happy with the ending. Hilary got what she wanted. Mainly the guy.

     "Alright bro," you stand up and look down at Karkat, "Bed time."

     He huffs and looks up at you, pouting. No way. You are not staying up another minute. Fuck. That.

     Karkat reaches up a paw to you, "Caywee me?" You sigh. God damn it he's adorable.

     You reach down and scoop him up, walking to the bedroom. Deja vu sets in a little bit. Carrying someone to your bedroom. Late at night. Except no. No that's totally not ok. Karkat is your _pet_. A cat more than anything else. Fuck you brain. You're fucked up.

     You plop Karkat down on the bed and pull off your clothes. Still in your boxers of course. Damn. You're not gonna sleep naked with your pet. **You just bought him.** That's fucked up bro.

     You snuggle under the covers and Karkat gets up from where he was sitting. You think he'll just lie down at the opposite side of the bed, but instead he comes over and snuggles up to your face. He nuzzles himself into your neck.

     Karkat whispers in your ear, "Dev?"

     You yawn, "Yea Karkat? What's up?"

     He clenches his paws in your shirt. Clench. Unclench. Clench. Unclench. You huff, your patience running thin. You're not trying to be rude, but you're really fucking tired right now and you wanna go to sleep.

     "Do yoo luv me dev?" Karkat pulls his head back to stare you in the eyes.

     You raise an eyebrow. Love him? You barely know him! But.. For some reason.. It's weird to think this way because he is a pet, but for some reason when you saw him you just knew. God you feel so confused about it. Love at first sight is what it seems like. But he's a _pet_. **_A pet._**

     You sigh, "Well, yea, I mean you're my pet and shit, so I guess.."

     Karkat continues to stare at you, "Do yoo luv me like Sam luvs Austeen?" Sam and Austeen? He must be talking about that movie you watched. Wait, he's asking if you _love_ him?

     "Oh Karkat.. No no.. That's a different kind of love.. I love you like a pet, not like I wanna make out you with our anything," you try to laugh it off, awkward as fuck.

     Karkat nods his head, understanding, "Ok, I luv yoo like dat too!" He licks your cheek and rests his head back down.

     You _might_ have shed a very manly tear before finally drifting off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! New chapter! Once again, sorry I take so long to write.. Anyways, thanks for the kudos ^-^

* * *

     You've had Karkat for about a week now. Things are running smoothly and your schedule is down pat. Wake up around noon, chill out with Karkat, go to work, get home around three in the morning, snuggle with Karkat, and go to sleep.

     During the day together, you usually watch movies or TV shows you think he'd enjoy. You've watched more romcoms in the past week than you have in your entire life. And although you'll never admit it, they're not half bad.

     Occasionally, if you have time, you'll take Karkat for a quick walk around the block. You try to plan it out so there's nobody outside and your landlord is having a movie session. Less people, less talking. That's pretty much your motto in life.

     What's come as a surprise to you is what Karkat watches when you're not there. The third night or so, you came home to find him watching PBS kids. Sesame Street, The Octonauts, Dora, things like that. You made fun of him at first, but now you're kinda glad that he did watch that shit. Those shows really do teach kids (and trolls) how to talk, read, and spell.

     As time went on, however, Karkat started watching those shows less and less. Now, he watches educational shows. Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, The Learning Channel. Completely boring to you, but captivating to him. He can talk fluently, read flawlessly, he knows facts upon facts about things you don't even have a clue about. Math skills, science skills, even his art skills are all incredible.

     Rose was right, trolls are independent. And also incredibly fucking smart.

     "Hey fuckwit," It's Karkat. You snap out of your daydream, of recalling how fast Karkat has learned things it took you years to comprehend.

     Clearing your throat you say, "How many times have I told you not to use such naughty language young man? Do we need to rinse your mouth with soap?"

     "You're really not one to talk, asshat. You throw around cusses all the time like it's nothing."

     "Curses," you correct him, "and I do not do that shit."

     He rolls his eyes and laughs a little. That's another thing that's changed, his laugh. It's no longer squeaky and adorable, it's more normal. If you closed your eyes and listened to it, it'd sound like a normal human laugh. Nothing adorable about it.

     Along with his laugh, he's also a little larger. No longer cat, more like medium-sized dog. He's even started trying to walk on his hind legs. Trolls grow fast. Too fast.

     "Hey Karkat," you decide to ask about his growing rate.

     "Yes? May I help you?" His voice has a sarcastic ring to it, an art he's mastered perfectly.

     "I was just wondering how fast trolls grow. Like I've only had you for a week and you've already like doubled in size. Plus, you're already trying to walk on two feet. So like, I'm wondering how long it is 'till you're more like me. All tall and on your hind legs and shit. And if you grow so fast, then does that mean you only live for about a year?"

     Karkat sighs, "Shouldn't you have looked all this up before you bought me?"

     You nod slowly, "Yea, but I didn't want to."

     He glares at you, "Well, Trolls are fully grown in six months. We reach sexual maturity in eight. And we're considered adults after a year. Usually, trolls live longer the higher their blood is. Rust bloods live about 5 years and pink bloods live about 1,000. I've tried researching more on my blood specifically, but it's rare and I've never really gotten a straight-forward answer. I've gotten anywhere from 2 to 3,000 years."

     That's unsettling. Karkat could die next year. Or you could die and he'd have to live like 2,950 years all alone. You don't know which thought hurts you the most. Being without him, or leaving him alone.

     Why does it affect you so much though? He's your pet. You love him, of course. But isn't it just like if you had a dog? It dies and you're sad for a while, but you eventually get over it. But.. That's just not how you feel about Karkat..

     "Dave?" Karkat pats your chest and you look over at him. His eyes are wide and worried.

     "Don't you die on me ok?" You hug him closely and you can feel him tense up slightly.

     "Uh.. Ok?" He relaxes more and gives you a small lick on the cheek.

* * *

     You burst through the door, a small plastic bag in tow. Karkat looks at you and quirks a brow. It's a gift for him. You picked it out yourself.

     "Alright, so," you start off, "I saw this chick walking some troll around. The troll was kinda like you and shit except teal in color. But that's not what matters. What matters is that she was wearing clothes. Why didn't you tell me that trolls wear clothes?"

     Karkat shrugs, "I never really wanted to bother you to buy me clothes,"

     You toss the bag at him, "Well, happy birthday."

     He glares at you, "It's not my birthday idiot." But you don't respond. You just motion for him to open the bag.

     He slowly pulls it out. It's a dark gray sweater. Probably a bit too big for him, but he'll grow into it. His eyes widen and you can see his tail slightly flick. You knew it, he loves it.

     "Dave I.." He looks up at you, not knowing what to say.

     You walk over and help him put it on, "You like it? I know it's just a sweater, I decided it'd be smarter to get you pants and stuff like that when you're fully grown."

     He grins and looks down at his new sweater, "Thank you Dave, I really like it, it's very soft."

     You grab the bag and turn to leave, but Karkat grabs you with a paw and pulls you in so he can give you a quick lick on the cheek. Even at 9 days, he still lick-kisses you. You wonder when he'll go through that rebellious stage and stop licking you. That's not something you'd like to think about.

     He turns back to what he was watching on TV, another romcom. Looks like _The Vow_ if you remember correctly. That one was actually pretty good. Of course Karkat was sobbing his eyes out. You may or may not have sniffled. Once.

     However, you did just come home from work, and that means it's bed time, "Karkat, you know what time it is."

     He pouts, "But Dave~ I just wanna finish the movie!"

     You look back at the screen, "Number one, it's still got like another hour. Number two, you've already seen it like five times. And number three, I'm tired. So c'mon."

     "If you're tired then just go to bed, I'll finish the movie and sleep on the couch."

     His words spiral in your head. Sleep on the couch?! It's only been 9 days, sure, but you've really enjoyed having someone next to you. Especially when that someone is cuddly and adorable.

     "A-are you sure? You can still crawl into bed later," you can't help but get a little panicked.

     "Yea Dave, I'm sure. I don't mind sleeping on the couch. Besides, don't you think I'm getting a bit old to sleep with you?"

     "Your 9 days old! That's not old!"

     He growls a little, "This 'relationship' is 9 days old, but I am 4 months and 9 days old. Maybe if you remembered shit and didn't care so much about yourself, you'd remember!"

     "Excuse me? Care about myself? I just bought you a fucking sweater!" You can't help it, you're tired and cranky and you're starting to get extremely pissed off at Karkat. How dare he call you selfish? And "relationship"? What does _that_ mean?

     "Whatever Dave," he huffs, "Why is this such a big deal anyways? I'm just sleeping on the couch."

     You falter, why is it such a big deal? It's just the couch. But obviously your mouth is talking before you can think, like always, "Because you're growing up too fast! I _just_ bought you! And now you can talk and read and spell and solve fucking quadratic equations in your head! It's too fast!"

     Karkat rolls his eyes and pats the couch for you to sit down. You begrudgingly do so. He crawls and sits next to you, similar to how a dog would sit, and he rests his head on your shoulder.

     You immeadiatly start relaxing, "Dave, trolls grow quickly around this age. I've only got about two months before I have to be fully grown. It's only natural."

     "Well yea, but-"

     He cuts you off, "I promise I won't run off with some boy in my rebellious years and never see you again,"

     You know he was just trying to be funny, but, "Wait, a boy? Are you quoting something or..?"

     Karkat tenses a bit and quickly sputters out, "I-I was quoting something.. But it's not like it matters, trolls don't really have genders so it's not like I'm gay or anything.."

     You nod your head slowly, smirking, "But you are into guys?"

     He huffs, "I don't have contact with anyone other than you really, and the shows. There's not much I can really base off of,"

     Damn. You never thought about that. Maybe Karkat does need some other people in his life. But everyone pretty much looks down upon trolls, who are you supposed to hang with? It's not like you're buddies with this person who also owns a troll. Wait.

     "Rose!" The words are out of your mouth before you can think and Karkat gives you a puzzled a look, "My sister, Rose, she owns a troll named Papaya or something like that, I could call her tomorrow and convince her to come visit. I'm sure it'd be pretty easy, me buying a troll was her idea."

     Karkat nods, "I'd like that, thank you,"

     You clear your throat, "Well, I guess I'll go to bed then.."

     He sighs and rolls his eyes, "You're such a baby sometimes," and with that, he turns off the TV.

     Both of you walk into your room and Karkat crawls into bed while you strip down into your boxers. You crawl into bed and reach out for Karkat. He snuggles up to you, into your body now and not just your neck. Damn he's gotten so big now.

     You cautiously kiss his cheek and slide a hand under his sweater to start petting his side. He starts purring and is about to lick you, but he doesn't. You're a little confused until he softly presses his lips to your shoulder.

     You chuckle, "It's kinda like that, except you purse your lips more, don't worry you'll learn."

     He just scoffs and snuggles into your chest. You've noticed, while petting him, that he's not soft and fluffy anymore. Of course you never thought about it until now. But his hair used to be semi-long and furry, now it's just short and smooth, almost like it's not even there.

     You're about to ask him about it until you hear his purring slowly die out as he falls asleep. You shrug and fall asleep too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.- If you guys have any ideas for future chapters or even just other fanfic pairings you wanna see me write, don't hesitate to message me at mexi-pad.tumblr.com! Thanks a bunch!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Next chapter! As always, sorry it took so long, school just started and I've been extremely busy so... But yea! Thanks to jinx for the lovely idea, it really was cute.

* * *

     You call Rose the next day as soon as you wake up. Karkat watches and listens intently to the whole conversation.

     "Hello Dave, I was expecting you might call," Rose sounds pretty normal, but you know she's excited to hear all about your new troll.

     "Yea, hey, sorry I haven't called in a while, been busy y'know."

     "Right right, with work and your new.. Pet.. You did get a troll, yes?"

     "Yes I got a troll," you aren't one to disobey your sister when she's adamant about her orders.

     "Oh boy! How old is he? What's his name? Has he started talking yet? What's his blood color?"

     "Uh.. Ok well, he's like a little older than 4 months, his name is Karkat, he talks pretty well, and he's got red blood."

     "How fantastic! Y'know talking fluently at his age is rather uncommon, he must be very smart," yea, you know that, "and Karkat, what a lovely name. Oh and, I think you meant rust blood Dave, it's not red it's _rust_."

     You don't often get to correct Rose, but when you do it makes you 100,000% happier, "Actually Rose, it is red. He's a mutant-blood."

     "Wait, what? Dave! You got a mutant-blood as your first troll?"

     "Yea..?" What's the big problem? Things have been running pretty smoothly for you.

     "Mutant-bloods are rare Dave! Nobody knows anything about them! Did you even research anything about trolls? You can't have a mutant-blood. No offense Dave, but there's no way you'll be able to handle him."

     "What's that supposed to mean? I handle Karkat just fine!"

     "Even I could barely handle Kanaya sometimes when she was younger, I would always need to look up what to do. Especially once she hit that that eight-month-point in her life."

     "I didn't call you to be lectured about my life choices Rose, I'll be fine."

     "If you think you can handle it, then don't come crawling to me when you realize you can't."

     You roll your eyes, "Whatever Rose, I called you to ask if you would visit soon. Karkat wants to meet other trolls."

     She sighs, "I'm kinda busy Dave, but I'll try and come down maybe in two weeks? Three at the most."

     "Rose! That's forever away!"

     "Sorry, but some of us have things to do other than sit on the couch and watch movies with our hands down our pants."

     "Fine, just shoot me a text when you're gonna come up ok?"

     "Come down," she corrects you, "and ok I shall, goodbye Dave!"

     "Yea yea, goodbye darling sister," you hang up the phone. Karkat looks at you and frowns, "Two more weeks?"

     "Maybe three," you state.

     "Better be fucking worth the wait," he grumbles.

     You just laugh and ruffle his hair. Yea, hair. His fur on his body is smooth and almost nonexistent, but he still has some on top of his head. It's pretty messy, all the time, but you don't really care. It has a texture more like hair rather than fur and so you call it hair.

     Looks like a duck, walks like a duck. It's a duck.

     Karkat kisses your cheek and gets out of bed. He stretches out and walks into the main room. You place a hand to your cheek. Karkat kissed you. Not a lick, a kiss. It seems so foreign even though he's licked your cheek plenty of times before. You shrug and roll out of bed.

     After pulling on some sweat pants, you join him. He's already got the TV on and is watching some cartoons. You plop down next to him on the couch. It's a pretty normal day.

* * *

     Rose texts you a week later, "Hey Dave, gonna be down in a week, cya then."

     You're sitting on the couch with Karkat snuggled against your side. He looks up at you and you show him the text. Karkat grins and turns his attention back to the movie.

     Considering it's been a week, Karkat has grown. No longer dog-sized, he stands at about 5'2. You still tower over him at a solid 6'0, which is totally cool with you. He's also started walking around on two feet instead of all fours. It's crazy how fast he's grown.

     Karkat sniffles and you eye him suspiciously. You don't remember this scene in _Caddyshack_ to be sad. Actually, you don't remember any scene in _Caddyshack_ to be sad. Also, Karkat hasn't talked at all today.

     "Hey bro you feeling alright?"

     He waves you off and nods his head, but doesn't say anything.

     You narrow your eyes, "Karkat."

     After clearing his throat, he finally replies, "I'm fine Dave," his voice is all nasally. It sounds more like, "'M fun Dave."

     "You most certainly are not _fun_ Karkat," you pause for a moment, "are you sick?"

     He sits up, "No! I'm totally healthy! Please don't tell Rose not to visit!"

     You laugh, "Bro it's ok, I'm sure you'll be fine in a few days. You will be fine in a few days, right? Are trolls supposed to get sick at this age? Oh my god are you sure you're ok?"

     He rolls his eyes, "Pretty sure it's just a cold or something,"

     You push him until he's laying down and put a pillow under his head, "You're not gonna die are you? Can trolls get human diseases? Is this just a troll cold? Or is it like troll yellow fever? Oh my god your eyes are yellow!"

     "Ok uh, not gonna die, yea probably, sure you can call it that, fuck no, and my eyes have always been yellow fuckwit."

     "Oh yea that's right, they have.."

     Karkat tries to sit up and you push him back down, "Dave seriously? This is ridiculous I'm fine."

     You get up, "Stay here. Do you need anything? I'm gonna go make some soup. Anything I can get you?"

     "What is this? Patient and nurse? I said I'm fine Dave."

     "This is me making sure you get better," you grab a blanket and cover him with it before heading to the kitchen.

     Campbell's chicken noodle soup. That should be good right? It better be good, that's the only soup you have. You've never really been a soup guy. Something about a pot of boiling water with vegetables and meat all in it gives you the creeps. Also a weird form of deja-vu, though you're not quite sure why.

     You make the soup easily enough and set it down on the coffee table. Karkat reaches out to grab it, but you wave his hand away. There's a nearby chair and so you grab it, pulling it over by Karkat's head. You grab the bowl of soup and place it in your lap.

     "Wait a fucking minute," Karkat eyes you suspiciously, "are you gonna fucking feed me? I'm four and a half months old! I can feed myself just fine!"

     "Shhh, it's ok Karkat, I'm just helping you out. Now open your mouth for the airplane!"

     He begrudgingly opens his mouth and you put a spoonful of soup right in there, making airplane noises as you do. Karkat glares at you. You pull the spoon out once he's got his mouth around it and fill it up with another round of soup.

     It takes about fifteen minutes for Karkat to finish the whole thing. You guys got a good rhythm going after a while too. When Karkat was ready for another bite he'd just open his mouth and you'd pop that spoon right on in there. That's what you like to call teamwork.

     Once it's all done you put on a different movie, a romcom, and chill out on your chair. You casually pet Karkat's hair and he eventually falls asleep.

* * *

     Around 10PM, Karkat wakes up. Since it's a Monday, you don't have to go to work until 11 and you can still be with Karkat for another half hour or so. Just like the loving boyfriend you were always meant to be.

     Wait. No. Not boyfriend. Friend. You're friends. But you're also both boys. So you're technically boyfriends, right? No. No you two are friends that are also boys... And one of you always kisses the other's cheek, but in a family/brotherly sort of way, not in an _I like you like that_ kind of way, except you're not entirely sure that he doesn't like you like that, but he can't like you like that because you're totally different, but then again what if he _does_ like you like that? Do _you_ even like _him_ like that? Wait, what were you thinking about? Oh yea. You're just friends.

     "Dave. Dave. Dave," you snap back to the real world and realize Karkat's been trying to get your attention for who knows how long.

     "Hey bro, you feeling better? You sound a little better after all that treatment doctor Dave gave you."

     He rolls his eyes, but you can see the small smile, "Yea right fuckass, you didn't do anything to help me."

     "Excuse me, I fed you soup and combed through your hair until you fell asleep. I did a lot of things to help you."

     "So? I'm still sick, it didn't help."

     "Karkat, you're not gonna get better in like 2 hours. It's probably gonna be a while."

     He whines, "But Daaaaave! I hate being fucking sick! My nose is stuffy and my throat is sore."

     "Sorry, don't know what to tell you. Also, I have to go to work soon so you'll have to be independent and take care of yourself a bit."

     "Dave can't you just take off work?"

     "No," you don't want to be rude to him or anything, but you haven't missed a day of work in 247 days and that's a record you break every time you go to work. You couldn't imagine having start all over again at day one.

     "But I need someone to take care of me and feed me soup!"

     "You complained the whole time I was feeding you."

     "Daaaaaaavvvvveeeeeee," ok now he's just being annoying.

     "Karkat. You are a strong, smart, independent troll that don't need no caretaker."

     He glares for a moment and then decides to take a new approach. A hand cups the side of your face and two big, round, yellow eyes stare up at you, "Please Dave?"

     You falter, but only for a moment, "No Karkat. I can't."

     Karkat takes it up a notch, "But.. Pretty pretty please?" It's not enough to win you over though. Too kiddish, you're not that kind of a guy. It may work in Karkat's mind, but your cool persona isn't having any of it.

     Or it wasn't having any of it until he brought out the big guns. He widened his eyes just a little more, he curved his brows just so, and to top it off, he curled that bottom lip in and nibbled on it.

     How does he know all of your weaknesses? Has he been reading your diary? Ha. You don't have a diary. And anyone who says otherwise is a filthy liar, understand?

     "Dave, I need you."

     Your phone is out in a matter of milliseconds. You quickly punch in the number for work and wait for one of your bosses to pick up. You really hope it's Deuce, he's so much nicer than your other bosses. And dumber.

     "What do you want asshole?" Dammit! It's Slick. He's the owner of the club and also the biggest jerk there is. You're pretty sure he's been arrested at least twice and he got tried once for attempted murder. The guy's insane.

     "Uh.. Hey Mr. Slick, I uh.. I can't come in tonight.." Wow, you're so bold. You should don your armor and sword and become a knight right now.

     "And why the fuck not Strider? Your shift's in an hour."

     "Well uh.. I'm sick..?" You add a fake cough on at the end.

     "You're sick? Yea, nice try moron, you never get sick. You have to go outside and talk to other people to get sick."

     The angry noise that escapes your mouth cannot be prevented, "Fine Slick. My roommate's sick. And I need to take care of him."

     "I think your imaginary roommate can take care of himself doucgebag. Now c'mon and get your overpaid ass over here."

     "He's not imaginary!"

     "Yea and I'm not gonna kick your ass if you don't come to work. So get over here and tell your so-called roommate that he can suck a dick for all I care."

     You open your mouth to protest, but Karkat rips the phone out of your hand, "As Dave's 'so-called' roommate I'll have you know that I _am_ sick and the only dick sucking that'll be going on is when I grab yours and shove it so far down your throat that your stomach acid digests it into a pile of rotting shit you bulgelicking fuckface! Now Dave is staying home to take care of me and he can come to your pathetic establishment to work tomorrow. So you better shut your fucking mouth and get the fuck over it!"

     Well, there goes your career. There is now way that you're not fired now. You heard that the last guy that talked to Slick like that got a knife in the face.

     Karkat hands the phone back to you, "He says he wants to talk to you."

     "Yes boss?" You prepare yourself for the onslaught of threats, insults, and above all, the firing.

     Here it comes, "Well Dave, I've gotta apologize," wait what, "I don't say it too often either so don't expect it to happen again. Sorry I didn't believe that you had a roommate, he's a real ass. He's gotta pretty big mouth on him too, and although I like it, you should probably invest in some duct tape," he laughs a little.

     "Ok so.. You're not mad?"

     "I'm pissed. But you've finally gone out and met someone and honestly I'm still surprised. So if you gotta stay home and 'take care of him' to keep him hanging around your sorry ass, then I guess I'm ok with it."

     "Uh.. Ok yea I will.." Wow he is taking this really well. You've never heard someone missing work because their roommate is sick.

     "Just make sure to use protection yea?"

     "Protection? Uh.. I don't think I can catch what he's got, he is a troll y'know."

     "Woah woah woah, a troll?"

     Again with the people being surprised you have a troll, "Yea, I've had him for like a month now I think?"

     "Damn Strider, you really are down for anything."

     "Well, Rose was the one who told me to get him. But yea I guess I'm open to new experiences..?" This is getting kinda weird, treating an illness isn't that bad.

     "I just never really thought you'd be into that stuff, but hey, if you're pleased."

     "Well, it's not really a big deal, he's just a pet."

     "Yea ok, see you tomorrow you kinky freak," ok now you're kinda starting to get the feeling that you two weren't talking about the same thing.

     "Wait what?"

     "Just at least make sure you top in my honor, I could never punch your boyfriend myself, but knowing he's a bottom bitch will give some pleasure. Especially since he'd be your bottom bitch."

     "Oh! N-no Slick we don't-!"

     "Alright see you," and with that he hangs up. Still thinking that you bang Karkat. Damn it. Damn it all.

     You set your phone down casually and clear your throat. Karkat didn't hear any of that anyways. Right?

     Wrong.

     He's staring at you with a somewhat shocked expression. Wow this is awkward. You don't think you've ever experienced anything more awkward.

     This tops the time you went on a date with John's sister. _Damn_ was she an animal in bed. And it was even more awkward when you had to return her bra to John when you found it a few days later. He wasn't too happy that you never bothered to call his sister.

     "Dave!!!" You snap out of it. Oh, Karkat's trying to get your attention. You've really gotta stop doing that.

     "Hey Karkat, what's up?"

     "What's up? Are you fucking kidding me?"

     "Uh.. No?"

     "Dave. Your boss thinks you're my boyfriend."

     "Yeeeeaaaa...."

     "And he also was obviously making comments about us having sex the whole time."

     "Yup."

     "And you didn't pick up on any of it and sounded like an idiot."

     "Hey!" That was rude. You're not an idiot! Sooooorrrry you didn't realize Slick was talking about you doing the do with Karkat. Your mind's not in the gutter like that.

     Karkat starts laughing. Laughing at you, "You're so stupid Dave! He was blatantly talking abut sex-!" He takes a moment to catch his breath, "About sex and you didn't even know!"

     The troll is laughing his off ass at you. Tears spilling out of his eyes. What an ass. What a complete ass. Laughing at your obliviousness.

     "Sorry I didn't realize! Us having sex isn't something that I usually think about!"

     That shuts him up. He swallows hard and fiddles with his hands, looking a little ashamed, "Sorry that I laughed.."

     "It's alright I suppose." 

     Karkat continues looking down at his lap, "I think I get why you didn't get it though y'know. It was something that you probably have at the very back of your mind. Filed away under something that you never open."

     "It's ok Karkat, really." Is it just you or does he seem kinda upset about this? About the fact that you don't think about you two.. Y'know..

     "I think I'm gonna go back to sleep, plenty of rest is good for you when you're sick."

     "Wait. You made me cancel my shift so I could watch you sleep?"

     "Is there anything else you can think of us doing? Actually, what am I saying? You don't think about us."

     "Karkat, are you upset about all this? Do you really want me to think about us having sex?" That's a question you never thought you'd have to ask him.

     "I guess not.."

     "Good, so there's nothing to be upset about ok?"

     He nods, still looking down. You see him nibble his lip slightly. It's probably because he's upset. But seriously, he doesn't want you thinking about you two like that, right? That's weird. Off limits. A definite no-no.

     But the way he nibbles his lip is kinda telling you otherwise. Karkat doesn't like you like that. He's your friend. Your pet even. That's bestiality isn't it? Is it? Are trolls considered pets when they're fully grown?

     Besides, he can't want to do that anyways, he's only like, 5 months. He has 3 months until he even gets his little sex hormones anyways. Or whatever actually happens to trolls at 8 months. You don't know.

     Karkat looks up at you, "Dave, do you love me?"

     "Of course I love you, we're tight yo," you offer a smile, but it's pretty weak.

     "No no no. I mean like.. Do you _love_ me?"

     "Uh.. Karkat we've talked about this.." You don't like him like that. You can't like him like that.

     "I know I know. But I'm older now. And I understand what love is and stuff."

     "Ok first of all, romcoms don't teach anything about real love. And second of all, we both agreed that I'd love you like a pet and you'd love me kinda like an owner."

     "So.. You don't love me any more than a pet?"

     "Well, yea. I mean I can't y'know? 'Cause you're a pet. That's bestiality, right?"

     He grabs one of your hands and stares deeply into your eyes, "But what if I wasn't a pet? Would you love me then?"

     "If you weren't a pet then we probably wouldn't know eachother."

     "Dave. Stop being an ass and just imagine it. If I was a human like you, and we were still friends like this, would. You. Love. Me?"

     "I.." You.. You've never thought about it. Every time a thought like that entered your head, you'd push it right out. But when Karkat got sick like this, you panicked. You know you can't live without him.

     If Karkat died, you would die. As soon as you saw him in that pet shop you knew you had to have him. And as time has gone along he really has grown into quite the.. Attractive.. Troll.. He's cocky, smart, funny, affectionate, dorky. He's everything you've ever looked for in a partner. If Karkat were a human...

     "Yes. Yes I'd probably love you," you look away, you can't meet his eyes anymore. This feels like one of his cheesy romcoms, "but you're not human and you never will be human, so it's pointless."

     He cups the side of your face and forces you to look at him, "I'll never be human, but I'll love you like one. Even if you refuse to be with me, I still love you."

     Your breath hitches slightly. This is weird. This is weird. Abscond Dave. Abscond!

     The wiring of your brain is getting jumbled up. You can't love Karkat, he's your pet. But you do love Karkat. And Karkat loves you. You've never had someone love you (other than your family of course).

     He's leaning in suddenly and you know what's coming. Your eyes flutter closed behind your shades. You lean in slightly. Karkat pulls you closer. And he kisses you...r cheek. Oh. You have to admit, you weren't expecting that.

     As he pulls away from his quick peck to the side of your face he brings his hand away from your face too. You play it off and act like you weren't totally about to kiss him. What do you mean play it off? You weren't gonna kiss him. Nope.

     "Let's go to bed Dave, I'm tired."

     You get up and Karkat follows suit, "I'm not even that tired though."

     "Then we can talk until you fall asleep."

     You open the door and strip down to your usual attire for sleeping (so, boxers) and crawl into bed. Karkat crawls in next to you.

     He hasn't snuggled with you in a while, just slept in the same bed. It's become routine you guess. As time went on you two slowly moved apart during sleep. You don't mind as much as you thought you would. However, tonight's different.

     You pull the blanket over you and Karkat crawls under the blanket as well. He snuggles up next to you, laying his head on your chest.

     "Uh.. Bro.. What's up with the sudden snuggles?"

     Karkat grabs your arm and pulls it way from your side, sliding it around him instead and curling into your side properly. He wraps his arms around you, "I just wanted to be close to you Dave."

     "Yea, but why now?"

     "Because we're gonna be talking and I want to hear you."

     "You can hear me just fine without being on me like a koala."

     Karkat huffs and looks up at you, "Don't act like you don't enjoy this asshole."

     That shuts you up. You can feel your face get hot. So what if you like being snuggled? Who doesn't?

     You just wrap your arm more tightly around him and pull him closer. He kisses your collar softly and then nuzzles into your chest. It's comforting. Did you say you weren't tired? Because you're pretty sure you're tired now.

    Karkat starts purring like the adorable asshole he is and you rub his side. Your eyes are getting heavy and you take off your shades, setting them on the side table. You start drifting off pretty quickly and you know Karkat is too. It's pretty perfect.

     A small whisper interrupts your slumber, "I saw you purse your lips by the way," you can feel Karkats face turn into a smug smirk after he says this, "I thought it was bestiality, Dave."

     Shit, he saw that? "No I- I didn't- I swear I-"

     "Don't try to defend yourself Dave. I don't wanna hear it. I know you wanted to kiss me, it's ok."

     Well, there it is. Cat's out of the bag. You can't deny it anymore. All those thoughts you pushed away. What do you have to say for yourself?

     Nothing. You have nothing to say for yourself. You're in love with him. You're in love with Karkat. You want to hold him and kiss him and just be with him. It's bestiality and it's wrong and you shouldn't, but you don't give a single shit anymore. You can't keep saying no when you know you want to say yes.

     You whisper softly, "I think I love you Karkat.."

     "I know."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I will say this again, but if you would like me to write something outside of this, please let me know! Whether through tumblr or just through here, whatever. I'm working on other fics too that may or may not be posted here, it depends.


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